Dealing with Vampiric Encounters

You’re finger licking good

The Intrigue of the Vampire Mythos

Women swoon. Children cry. Men scream in fright.

Placing the VAMPIRE label  on something or someone causes a myriad of  images. Creatures that are
ravenous predators, evil harmful killers who prey on innocent victims.Sensual

This class will shed light on the seduction vampires have  held over
humanity for centuries.The lore of the life sucking creatures prey on humans has existed since humanity walked on 2 legs.

The Medieval times presented vampires as walking corpses most likely die to disease and pestilence. It wasn’t until The Gothic Era that the more romanticized version appeared.

The traditional vampire is portrayed as the reanimated body of a
deceased person believed to come from the grave at night and suck
the blood of the person asleep. They can be repelled by sunlight
and/or garlic and can be killed by a wooden stake to the heart.

In recent times, we have even further glamorized vampires with such
shows as True Blood, What We do Within the Shadows, Buffy,
Twilight and of course countless romance/ fantasy series.the movie,Nosferatu has recently been remade for a third time. It’s been called erotic, sensual, eerie, and sexual.

                                                                  Once again our culture is enraptured of a vampire. Women are swooning, men are aghast, parents are appalled. Let’s find out why,shall we?

Vampire play engages our most primal spirit. Hunger, sex and
surrender all rolled into one sexy archetype. According to folklore, vampires feed upon the life force of another
being whether it be animal, fish or human. The blood may be the draw.  For others, it is the darkness, romance or spiritual. The
most primal energy of another creature. Having the power of life and death within one’s being encompasses true power, especially if you can return one to life – even a strange distorted life. The mysterious creature lurking in the shadows, forbidden, thrilling and sexual. Whether we like to acknowledge it or not, all humans are drawn to the dark.It intrigues and terrifies us at the same time.

 I recently was honored to present this class for 7DOD online. To watch the online class version, please visit  7DOD Vampire Play

Engaging in the vampire fantasies within our fetish scenes can denote many paths.

It will need to be done safely and consensually.
But role playing vampire in our sessions can have serious
consequences that we need to be aware of. Biting a client can break the
fluid boundaries. Pricking veins for blood draws can create unsafe
connections and unwanted connections between you and client.

Now for the disclaimer:
I am not a medical professional. In this class, I will not provide full
education on blood borne pathogens,STDs transmitted via bodily
fluid exchange or consumption, or the multiple ways to do the wide
variety of blood play.

Please make sure before you engage in fluid play, you educate
yourself and your play partner on the risks. Knowledge in Power , especially when life in concerned.

Take a first aid class, or multiples, to gain knowledge in how to prevent permanent harm.

 In this blog,I will discuss:

Different forms of vampire play

                                                                    How we can engage in the fantasy within our fetish scenes safely and consensually.

Fantasy vs Reality

Energy play

Biting Realistically

Small blood draws with needles or finger pricks

I consider needle play a different beast from vampire play. Needles and
scalpels can be used in this play but are not necessary. They create their own synergy in style and technique.

Your life fluid tastes so delicious!

Possible Forms of Vampire Play

Psychic or Pranic Vampire: Any person who enjoys actively and regularly absorbing and manipulating human kinetic energy in order to maintain their own emotional,sexual and spiritual well-being.

They can do this via touch or distance.This type of vampire is very popular within New Age and Pagan communities. I have a separate blog on this topic.

Sexual Vampire: Any person that feeds specifically on the energy generated from intimate relationships, heavy sexual release and orgasms.

Sanguine Vampire: Vampires who take blood from a partner and use it as a focus for gaining energy. The blood is the main component.

Vampire Play Safety Protocols

Within our scenes, the desire is usually for actual sanguine play. Blood play does not have to incorporate vampire play.
When one thinks of actual vampire blood play, biting is the activity one usually brings to mind.

It is the image we all see in the media. Cutting , scalpel play, and small blood draws are more associated with blood play.

However they are activities that can safely facilitate vampire play incorporating a blood component.

As this is an overview
class , I will cover each with beginners information. Truly each one is
its own in-depth instruction.

Be aware of not only the health risks to all involved parties but the
emotional and spiritual risks. The type of vampire play I engage in
differs from person to person. The more blood/energy involved, the
deeper and more permanent the connection.
CONSENT is paramount in blood play.

Prepping skin prior to opening it is essential for scene. This will
minimize the risk of bacteria or germs entering the area.
Likewise afterwards, make sure wound is cleaned and covered.
Prevent infection in start and finish. Use 70% or above alcohol to
clean.

Implements such as scalpels, needles and finger pricks must be
single use, sterile and disposed of properly. Do not use knives, razor
blades or vampire gloves. These items tend to be hard to sterilize to
the level needed.

Adrenal spikes can occur with blood play {we tend to fight or flight
when we see blood esp our own}. Make sure you are aware of blood
pressure, heart issues and other possible health conditions of your
donor that may be affected by blood play.

Learn your basic anatomy esp the circulatory system. You will
need to know what major arteries to stay away from. This will
also benefit you in other types of play.
Choose areas that have less major arteries such as breasts,
shoulder blades, buttocks. For a start, here is link to circulatory system.

Vampire Blood Play activities

 Biting {Odaxelagnia}

Biting is the classic vampire way! It is also known as Odaxelagnia.
The eroticism of Dracula slowly hypnotizing his victim, baring the vulnerable part of their neck
sensuously caressing the vein then savagely sinking his teeth
into their willing offering of flesh is an iconic image.  HOT!

Biting is its own fetish , done to degrees from gentle nibbles to hard
chomps. However, gnawing away at your partner’s neck or body –
even with sharp prosthetic fangs – will not gain you the result you desire. All it
will do is bruise them and your jaw. If the bite is your kink, by all means
administer the traditional sex blood love mark – a hickey. For those
who desire access and fantasy to neck biting, this is the way I suggest
you begin. It can be highly erotic and energetically connected. Plus
leaves lovely reminders of your scene.
Play the fantasy up as much as you like. I’ve done a whole role
play scene where I am Vampire Mistress and my client is my helpless
victim. Tying him down to my table, I then slowly strip his garments
away to expose his vulnerable flesh which I then draw blood to the
surface. You can imagine the rest.

Your Evil Queen Dominatrix

Keep in mind, this seemingly innocent activity may still break skin and
you may ingest some blood. Also ingesting larger amounts of blood is
not good for the human digestive system. Even though rare meat has
some ,it is usually cooked to some degree. Raw blood from source
can upset your internal system.
If the blood ingestion is your desire, I suggest using a scalpel or
needles. Keep it to a small amount, less than pint. Think of the
medical blood draw we get when go to doctor. A vial that size.Practice safely and learn proper technique.
If the role-play is your desire, consider using fake blood for the
copious amounts. Again, do not ingest it.

7DOD has a wonderful online class on biting by Ms. Fox. You can watch it here

 Cutting (Piquerism)

For all my cuttings also known as Piquerism , I use a sterile, single use scalpel. As it is a medical
implement, it must be disposed of as such.
My main warning with cutting into someone’s flesh is Do not cut too deep!
Last thing you desire is a hospital trip or accidental bleed.

Cuts can look light and not bled when first done so one’s tendency is to give
another cut. Don’t. Be patient. Take the time to wait for blood to rise to
skin.

Cuttings  can scar so this possibility should be discussed beforehand.

Make sure you have safety equipment close at hand to staunch
possible bleeds.

Cutting into my slave’s flesh for blood play

Blood draws/drains

Blood drains would be the most reminiscent of the traditional vampire drinking of blood. I would not suggest this for a casual session or one-time client.

I develop an intimate connection with all my “blood dolls” or donors. It is a willing offering -not a forced or taken one.

An activity I would consider at the higher end of risk. STD and infections are a big risk here. To engage in blood drains and draws safely, you will need to take a venipuncture class.

I will not go into details here on how to do so as its its own class. I prefer those pros interested in it go to a med professional class that includes certification. No more than a pint!

Think on when you go to get your blood drawn. Blood draws, also known as phlebotomy is how we obtain the blood draws/drains.

Needle pricks & punctures Small amounts usually from needles and pinpricks. A great way to begin with blood ingestion, drawing or smears.

If you have ever cut your finger, you know you can get what appears to be an incredible amount just from this small opening.

Many people start here with a small drop to taste. If blood art is your desire, the drips and cuts from scalpels and needles can allow you the ability to finger paint safely.

Always monitor your amount. Anytime your donor/partner feels woozy, dizzy, lightheaded or faint – immediately stop, stance the bleeding and administer first aid.

Blood draws is also used to draw a small amount used in ritual, connection and amulets. Blood bonding between partners can be a special passage, a commitment of one’s relationship.

Be aware anytime you puncture the skin with needle you could end up with
a blood blister especially on cock and balls. This may scare some clients
and compromise them. Do not drain a blood blister, it will subside on own.

If you would like to preserve the blood into an item to wear, there are ones
for sale on Etsy and other sites that will provide directions on how to make the blood inert yet fluid.

Practical Components Overview

1.  Choose the component that will best work with your intent and
goals. Vampire Play doesn’t have to involve actual blood. It can just be the dark fantasy you enjoy.

2.Blood play especially with energetic components does not
preclude logical thought. The key practical ingredient of most protection is an energy
shield. Guard your energy; it can be taken from you.

3. Decide where you stand on your vampire fetishism. Is it the
fantasy, the aesthetic that get you off? The dark clothes, make-up?

4. Be aware anytime you puncture the skin with needle you could
end up with a blood blister especially on cock and balls. This may
scare some clients and compromise them. Do not drain a blood blister, it will drain on its own.

5. Hypnotism can be a competent of the fetish – playing off the vampire entrancing their prey with their penetrating gaze. Removing all will to resist.

This would be a good component skill to add to your vampire play if  you desire. Remember CONSENT is key!

 6. Combine sex with your blood play if your dynamic is sexual. One of my hottest nights
was fucking my partner while drawing blood runes on them
from the numerous small cuttings and needles I had done on them prior.

7.Menstrual blood- even more ritualistic and intimate. Also  lends itself to other types of play such as degradation, empowerment and humiliation.

I hope you enjoyed this blog on one of my favorite types of play. I would love to hear your thoughts or engage with you in session for this type of play. My email is here.

                                                    I love supporting other articles on topics I write upon that I find well-written. This one in particular I find informative. Lovense Vampire blog

To learn more of my medical fetish scene, please refer to my medical fetishism page.

Remember , you can view the ONLINE CLASS at 7DOD

Desire to experience my intensity yourself? Take the first step and fill out my session application here

if unable to serve in person, you can chat with me via my online platforms:

Loyalfans

Sextpanther

Niteflirt

The post Bite Me Please! – Vampire Cosplay & Blood Play in the kink lifestyle appeared first on Mistress Simone.

The art of sensual /sadistic tickling with BDSM play

Tickle time with my claws

Knismolagnia , commonly known as tickling, can be a fun addition to your BDSM play.  Laughter in the dungeon can be a good thing, especially to heighten the energy and connection between your play partner and you. I love having a submissive restrained to my table then tickle and tease them , hearing their laughter throughout the space. Usually my own laughter at their predicament joins in. I leave my nails long specifically so I can get deep into the tender tickle areas on the body. There can be assumptions that tickling is a light activity to engage in, but quite the contrary. I have had subs hyperventilate from the excitement of a heavy tickling, even one pass out. In all play, one should cover possible physical limitations or concerns that may impact a scene. Tickling requires one to delve deeper back into  possible memories of the activity that might affect the scene. Many of us recall being tickling by siblings, parents or other persons in our childhood. For some, these memories can create triggers that need to be acknowledged and discussed PRIOR to engaging in a tickle scene. There should always be a prior discussion that includes emotional history with scenes. In my intake interviews for play, I always ask if someone is ticklish. If the answer is yes, I always ask a secondary question of how they react to it. For many, it is a hard limit and negative trigger. Others enjoy its cathartic benefits immensely. Before you reach to tickle someone, you should know how he or she might react to it. You do not want to disrespect boundaries just because of an assumption.

While any activity we engage in can cause an adverse reaction based on memories, it is much more likely with tickling because of our societal norm of engaging in it at young ages. Fortunately this pattern has been changing in current times..Tickling can be one of the earliest personal touches  we may receive from another human. Think on how often a baby has heard “Coochy coo” while being tickled lightly on feet, tummy or chin? Think back to your childhood. Can you remember an incidence of tickling? Perhaps a family relative or sibling? Neighborhood kids who either you tickled or you were tickled by? It can be a very traumatic experience especially if we were very young, or boundaries not respect due to familial/societal environment. So when approaching it as an adult play activity, it can cause those feelings to reoccur. For some, the tickling becomes  erotic, awakening the senses and providing an endorphin rush. For others, it can arise anger, fear or hurt. One needs to tread lightly when beginning this type of play.

Restrained for tickling

Two paths a tickle scene can take: sensual or torturous. In tickling, the people being tickled (often referred to as ticklees,those administering are the ticklers) can allow themselves the release of total control. They do not have to think about the activity (in fact cognitive functioning drops when being tickled) nor generate or create the sensation. Just react and feel. This freedom is one big draw to tickling. If someone is new to tickling scenes, I suggest beginning with sensual. One can always heighten the intensity of tickling as scene progresses. Digging in hard right away without warning can send ticklee into negative space, cause an injury or get the tickler kicked or punched if the ticklee is not secured down or free to move around. Our initial reaction to being tickled is to move away from the sensation and/or push the tickler away. Ticklers must be aware of body position when tickling. Environment can cause injuries.If in a vanilla setting, look around to see what may cause injury if scene gets aggressive. Lamps, candles, table legs and tops, glassware, etc can all be a hazard. In a dungeon setting, same applies. When someone is on one of my equipment pieces, I need to make sure they can’t fall off or strain a muscle if tied down. I also want to make sure the restraining pieces are strong enough for heavy thrashing,otherwise injury can happen AND I may be replacing ripped/broken equipment. I’ve been bonked in the head before when a cuff got loose because of sub’s wiggling.

Psychologically , it can be an escape from stress, analytical thinking and responsibilities. High protocol slaves and submissives can place service aside for the moment and just breathe.If I am intensely tickling my slave, I can not be asking them highly cognitive questions at same time. Well I can for my amusement as the answers are sure to be amusing. If you are the D in the D/s relationship, you need to make sure your expectations of your sub during a tickle scene are realistic.  They may swear, yell, kick , thrash at you.  Discuss this beforehand so you both are on same page. it would be unethical to  punish a slave for a breech of protocol while being intensely tickled. Many people shut down part of cognition when engaged thusly. Poor taste to punish one because of that. For a more in depth psychological explanation, I suggest this Tickling Tips article.

Tickling is also one of those activities that we can engage in anywhere, any time and not generate unwarranted attention, if done in moderation and consensually. I can administer a light tickle to a sub’s neck while out to dinner. A small poke and wiggle with my fingers to their side while out. Ive even made submissives sit silently in a movie theater while i mercilessly tickle the side closest to me. Punishment if they squeal.  It does not require nudity or huge set-up and/or equipment.

Within scene, it can be combined with pain to create a wonderfully intense reaction.The highs and lows of intensity are one thing that attracts me to tickling. I can have a sub’s senses heighten due to other sensation including pain, then administer a light tickle to a foot or stomach as I move around them. Keep in mind, this is not for everyone. I only engage this way with those I know and play with regularly. I would not desire to take a sub out of subspace and relaxation by an unwarranted tickle or touch. Psychology Today has a great article here about why we may like being tickled.

Leather glove tickle

    How our bodies respond to being tickled:

• Endorphin rush

• Temperature change – Hot or Cold

• External senses dulled

• Analytical thinking temporarily ceases

• Heightened responses , possibly similar to fear

Rapid breathing

                                                             This a good article for understanding the science behind the tickle response.

Advice for body safety with tickling:

You want to take into consideration where you will be tickling. Ask your ticklee where they are most ticklish, if there are any areas to avoid, how intense do they desire. Tickling can leave marks, scratches and bruises. If in a prodomme session, make sure sub is aware and consents to the possibility of marks. Otherwise , wear gloves or use implements to minimize mark risk.

Learn the body’s erogenous zones.  I always tell my subs their entire body is my plaything so no area is off limits unless negotiated. Always respect limits.

Breathing is the key component to managing a tickling scene, both in how our bodies respond to it and possible complications.

Always have a safe word. Keep in mind, in a tickle scene ,the ticklee may not be able to speak coherently. Provide an alternative safe gesture such a a ball drop, toe wiggle, hand wave.

Main physical concerns when engaged in a tickle scene:

Thrashing, Squirming : Sometimes the ticklee likes to fight against being tickled. It is a natural instinct to  move away from being tickled.The struggle can be part of the attraction.

Strain or bruising of muscles; Thrashing around can possibly cause strain on muscles or bruising if the person is restrained tightly and fighting against them.

Bruised  or scratched skin – make sure to discuss prior to tickling. If you are using nails or sharp items to tickle, you can cut, leave scratches or draw blood. Be clear about his possibility before play.

Hyper ventilation – lightheartedness even fainting may occur if the ticklee gets very excited. Watch their breathing and take a break if need. Help them refocus on slow, deep yoga breathes to return to normal state.

Desensitization – I find with many types of sensation play, the nerve endings , skin and tissue mat become unresponsive to the administered sensation. It s the body;s way of telling you enough is enough. Discontinue the  sensation until a state of normalcy has returned.

           Three main types of tickling:

               Soft : what we most associate with tickling, light touching, fur, brushes, feathers, light touches

                                                                      Hard : pressure points, acupressure, digging in, fingernails

                                                                         Vibrational: vibrators, electricity, any thing that goes buzz!

                                                                                               Tickling to orgasm:

                                              Denial-Ruined – I have used tickling to deny a sub an orgasm. Right before the moment of climax, I will tickle them thus redirecting the body sensations

 Heighten –  While sexual pressure is building, administer light or hard tickling touch to increase arousal. Apply then remove- a form of tickle edging. I do a hard tickle with my nails  right before climax. All the synapses are firing, giving one hell of a release.

Tickling as therapy:

Tickling can be very therapeutic, assisting us in solving childhood issues, learning to relax and disengaging our brains. It allows one to feel life in the now and not worry about tomorrow. However, it is nor should be a replacement for actual therapy.

                          An unexpected tickle in scene/sex can trigger bad/good memories that may halt activity and need to be discussed. The signals can be confusing within tickle scene as many ticklees will scream, cry, fight and try to escape. Make sure a clear safe word or gesture has been preset and all involved partners are aware of what it is.

                                                                                                                                          Devious Devices

       Your own body – nails, hair, breath

Feathers in general

Owl or Eagle feathers

Fur

Hairbrushes- anything with a bristle

Vibrators

Paint brushes

                                                                                 Pot scrubbers

                                                                                  Dental tools

                                                                                  Fake flowers and shrubs

One of my favorite tickling site for tips is Tickling Tips. I particularly like the Games page.The endurance one is a favorite of mine. I challenge the ticklee to outlast my administrations.They receive a  Reward if do, punishment if fails!

I like adding sensory deprivation to a tickle scene. Removing another sense will heighten the tickling touch. Try a blindfold, hood or straitjacket if focusing on lower body. As mentioned before,        bondage can help keep ticklee in position and increase their enjoyment. I love binding the legs, leaving the feet vulnerable to my tickles.

All set to be tickled

Remember you can add humiliation or embarrassment  play in. Consensually delve into those past experiences and tickle memories. For those who want to experience tickling but  have yet to take the leap, consider combining it with their other kinks. Touch is the playground of adults. Have fun with it.

If you’re a ticklee who desires to be tickled, or a novice that would like to try it, fill out my session application.  I would love to create an intense ,fun tickle session between us. Both my Saint Louis and Chicago spaces are well equipped to keep you safe while we get our tickle on!

Love to experience a tickling session?

Then book a session in Chicago dungeon or Saint Louis studio here

You can also chat with me about your tickling interest via my online platforms:

Sextpanther

Loyalfans

Niteflirt

The post Tickle me Silly : How to play with tickling in your BDSM scene! appeared first on Mistress Simone.

Amazon Chicago Domme

An A to Z synopsis of principles and activities surrounding the power dynamic of female domination & male submission.

Many of these definitions are focused towards the male submissive , however they apply to all genders and sexualities.

All these topics bear further exploration on their own but this primer is meant to introduce the reader to them. Further blog posts will define each concept deeper.

This primer is a living, breathing entity which will continue to expand and develop as new fetishes and kinks arise and the ones on this list grow.

Please keep in mind when reading this blog and my website, that my perspective comes from the female domination point of view.

Arousal and Denial: In regards to the male, denial is an excellent motivator. The promise or restriction of a possible orgasm will spur the strongest man to submission. Two components of these are edging and chastity – both which rate further exploration. Keeping him perpetually on edge increases his devotion to pleasing you above all else.

Ash tray Service: A sexy Mistress inhaling on a cigar or cigarette then engaging with her submissive as her ash receptacle personifies what many think of as ash tray service. However, just like other activities,it can range light to heavy. From having him kneel at your feet , holding a crystal ashtray while you blow smoke seductively into his face to something much more extreme and humiliating as making him consume your ashes(safely) – this type of service is as you desire.  Remember ,he is there to consensually serve as you wish.

Body Worship and/or Service: This is where The Mistress holds the real power. Your body is the ultimate
reward for the male. Controlling the sexual or body worship strings is where the Mistresses and women have the upper hand. Access to you is granted upon your desire alone. Male desire is secondary. It is time we as the dominant gender reclaim our pleasure. Only do and allow what you desire.

Butt Plugs: I will  write a whole paper on anal training with slaves  For all, it can be a wonderful device for sensation, humiliation and control. I love letting a male know I own all his orifices. Butt plugs are way to introduce anal training which can lead to full pegging/strap-on. Pegging  to me is very intimate, one I engage with my cherished subs that I own. The other way I enjoy it is with a sub that I want to ravage his holes. I usually combine pegging with dildo sucking on his knees with my hand on his head, forcing it deeper into his open and eager mouth. One of my favorite toy site for butt plugs is Mr. S Leather

CBT : Cock and ball torment, tease or torture- depending on the Mistress’s intent. One of my specialties.It encompasses any action that causes stimulation, pain or sensation to the male genitalia. There are separate blog posts about the elements involving CBT. See my page devoted to it.

CFNM: Clothed female, nude male. In our society, nudity is usually a sign of shame or
embarrassment. To require a male to be continually nude in your female presence  reminds him of your superiority over him. Historically , making a subservient male remove their clothing has been a method of intimidation, control and power.

Chastity: A device which should prohibit the  male arousal and orgasm. Orgasm control is one main kinks. I love the control. the male body does not deserve the release unless the female is satisfied first. Can also be mental chastity but that requires a much disciplined program from both parties and strong wills.  I have written many articles on the topic which will be posted on future blog posts. There are many companies for devices but 2 of my favorites are  steelwerks and holytrainer

Cock Rings: What I like to call the “hidden collar”. This is an excellent overt way of controlling and marking the male. They can be used for daily wear if comfortable [or not] and unobtrusive. Other types can enhance sexual arousal or pleasure for you both. Different than chastity devices. This site has a good variety.

Corporal Correction:  One of my favorite ways to correct poor male behavior. Traditionally this is administered as spankings over the knee, which is both humiliating and effective to keep him in line. Canes, hairbrushes and other implements may be used. Keep in mind , for some males this can be arousing to be over the Mistress’s lap. So if you find an erection rubbing your leg, consider cock punishment added to his correction.

Cuckoldry: Having your male watch you receive sexual pleasure from another person while he is denied such a privilege. It can include him serving the other person as a fluff-er, having him clean you up afterwards or just being allowed to be in the same room. If you so choose, he can be completely removed from the act and just told about it after the fact. Humiliation and service can be  components of this activity.

Emasculation: Any activity that assists the female in removing or lessening the masculine traits of her submissive. Can be achieved by other activities listed her such as forced feminization, humiliation or chastity. Can also include dehumanization, doll and robot play. Castration can be included under this activity , however i prefer to separate the concepts. Castration role play scenarios can be extreme. I never engage in active mutilation of my submissive.

Female Supremacy: The belief system that females are superior to males in all forms. There is whole Female Supremacy subculture within the female dominant community. Some good resources for it are : House of Sinn with my fellow Prodomme, Ezada Sinn  and the Female Led Manifesto 

Financial Control and FINDOM: Mistress holds the purse strings Financial Domination runs the gambit from  controlling the entire financial structure of your sub’s life to tribute only when you interact. Honesty and clarification of expectations is key in this type of play, or it can get messy. Princess Kali has some great information on Findom. Placing your male on an allowance , making him tribute a stipend or hand over his paycheck are all ways of financial control.

Forced Feminization: Cross dressing for the non-cross dresser.This topic is very diverse. I approach each feminization request by discovering the desires and motivation of each individual asking for this fetish.   If forced is the main component, I ask why. Is the drive for humiliation or embarrassment. Or could it be to take that first step into embracing their inner femininity. One must find out the mind of the ale before choosing an approach.  Many women find males dressed in slight feminine gear extremely erotic. Panties under the pants to work are a favorite of mine. A long discussion can be focused around gender fluidity and sexuality identity associated with cross-dressing. There are many good books written on the topic. Two of my favorites are  “Gender rebels” and “Skirting Gender“

Goddess Worship: An earth based form of female superiority. Stems from the ancient Earth religions were women were revered as the Mothers of All. I find this path to be very individualistic for each person involved. It can become akin to a spiritual journey. Goddesses are revered, worshipped, feared. What type of Goddess are you? Mother Earth? Kali? Artemis? Embody and empower yourself through goddess Worship. I will be publishing a blog on this soon.

My Goddess persona is Kali

House Hubbies: Recall Mr. Mom? That’s what this is. It can be a 24/7 thing or set for certain times such as week-ends, nights only or a trial month. It is basically role reversal. He takes on the typical feminine duties.I find it is key here for the Mistress to clearly define her expectations. It is hard work being a house wife or husband. Make sure what you require is clearly outline. I have all my expectations outlined in a house manual. it details my food preferences, what I require each day, laundry instruction and room by room cleaning details. You can’t get upset if you do not communicate your wishes.

Humiliation: Comes in many forms. Public, Verbal and physical are the three most common. Consent/ Non-consent should be key in all negotiations but particularly this area. One wrong word or action can trigger someone into a negative spiral , even dangerous. Do your homework before starting with humiliation. You want to do your best to avoid possible triggers.
Embarrassment is a wonderful tool to use where the male is considered,and my favorite.

Induced Orgasms: This refers to his masturbation under your guidance. You may place restrictions on it to suit whatever whim you desire. It is his goal to accomplish it. For example,
he will receive 57 strokes with the cane of his ass while masturbating. On stroke 57, he is to cum. If he fails, the process will be repeated until he does as you command. Get creative here.

Male Milking: You take the orgasm from him. He does not control it. Can use machines or make him do it. Ruined orgasm may be a component. Some of the common milking machines are Venus2000 and Serious Kit

Mounting: Male is bound and restrained while female uses him sexually. His sole use is to pleasure her.Not to be confused with Pegging-see below.

Nectar Ingestion: This can be one of the ultimate rewards for a male submissive. To drink the golden nectar from one’s Goddess can be both rewarding and humiliating depending on the submissive’s mind set. Direct from the Goddess or in a vessel – up to you.

Drink up, slave! Mistress Simone offers her golden nectar

Schedule Control: Placing limitations and requirements on his time. Assigning him tasks to complete, such as check-in times.This has become easier with social media. You define how much control is appropriate. Doing this can take much of the Mistress’s attention, so be sure you have the desire and time to engage in this type of control. It would be doing a disservice to both of you to promise and not follow through.

Shaving:Can be used as a tool for humiliation or emasculation. To remove a male’s hair from parts not normally bald is to remove part of his masculinity. By shaving his legs, you make him
more feminine.This is a great tool for distance control. Every time he looks or feels the shaved area, he will be reminded of his Domina.

Sissification: Sissy maids are their own special breed of submissives.Unlike humiliation aspects of forced feminization, sissification encompasses desire and love for all femininity. They want to feel pretty, and be told how pretty they are. Much detail and attention is required for engaging with sissification. Also, monetarily ,it can be a very expensive fetish.This site does some have delightful outfits!

Chicago Mistress and her pretty sissy slave

Smothering :Using your body to prevent his full breathing. Be careful.It is a form of controlled body worship. The goal here is not for him to pay homage to your person by for him to feel
engulfed within his Mistress’s aura and energy. Ass worship, face sitting all fall here.

Strap-ons also known as Pegging : Everyday should be International Women’s Day! Anal penetration for the male is a whole separate seminar. I believe Mother Nature knew exactly what she was doing when she put the male g-spot (prostate) in their asses! Taking your man as he traditionally would take you is a very empowering action. defining the control lines of the relationship.

Teasing: Using the vulnerability of the sub’s psyche in regards to your sexual prowess, sensuality and energy is a good skill for the Mistress to utilize at here discretion.

If you choose never to torment him teasingly with your sensual power, so be it.  Keep in mind, the male worships the feminine body and desires it. Use this to your advantage.

Trampling: The act of stepping on your male as he lies under your feet. Helps establish the fact that he is beneath you.Can be done in a variety of ways :Full or partial weight, bare feet, stockings, or shoes. Please take an instructional class either in-person or online before engaging in this activity. You can rupture internal organs of done wrong. I do offer trampling instruction. To inquire , please  email me.

Keep in mind this primer is ever evolving. I will add components as develop. Please feel free to offer topics or add-ons via  my email.

You may also inquire about a session or serving via my contact page.

The post The Dominatrix’s Male Submission Primer : Aspects of the Femdom and male sub power dynamic appeared first on Mistress Simone.

Chicago Domme

As this article was originally presented at in-person kink events, my personal opinion and experience is reflected within. I identify as a bisexual female dominatrix. My pronouns are she/her. I do not identify as a ” societal feminist”.  I have taken into account the possible sensitive nature of my opinion ,hopefully by explaining it I will increase the general understanding of female dominance,sex work and the right to do as I see fit with my sexuality and body.

The definition of feminism from Merriam-Webster is “belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests”

One of the issues with this definition is defining “Women’s rights and interests”. Much of traditional feminist theory is anti sex-work and anti – BDsm. The common misconception that a woman would not freely and actively choose sex work fuels this doctrine of anti-sex work feminism. It is lumped in with trafficking, abuse and poverty. While these factors do play a part in sex-work for many, it does not apply for all. Remove the trafficking part and we could say the same about  some male-focused monogamy. There are many factors surrounding choosing sex -work and male- controlled contractual relationships. I do not pretend to be an authority here, nor demean any woman’s freedom of choice or life situation. Class, Ethnicity, Social constructs all play a part in choice. My focus here is to dispel some of the negativity surrounding sex-work and especially Dominatrices.

Feminist theory has come a long way since the 1970s. New ways of thinking about feminist have developed from intersectional, religious, class and conservative. Just as I desire to be accepted for my choices, I need to try to understand and accept another’s choices. While I may not be conservative, there are those that are and support the feminist ideals which go along with their values.The main thing I am advocating here in sex -work and BDsm can be a choice, an empowerment and a world of fun!

Chicago Dominatrix

Bondage & Dominance/Sadomasochism & Masochism (commonly referred to in our culture as BDSM) has been regarded as a taboo topic for open discussion. However, more and more lately you see it popping up in lecture series, classes’ syllabi and round table discussions. Why? Why now? Is our society finally ready to open the closet door and let out one of our darkest skeletons? I can only hope so.Not all the portrayals are healthy. Case in point – “Fifty Shades of Grey” in which a stalker is romanticized. I have not read the book,nor will I with so much excellent eroticism written by actual kinksters on the shelves (support your local artists) ! However, I have read enough excerpts and seen movie clips to know this puts forth a perpetually continuing facet of abuse being romanticized. Just like society sees Dominatrices as controlling, money hungry shrews who hate men, or abused girls with Daddy issues. Abuse is not a joke, nor one to marginalize for politic purposes. It is a serious culture issue that needs our support for the victims.

Many misconceptions are attributed to  Mistresses, Dominatrices,Dominas,Dommes or dominant women (from here on in referred to as Dommes.)

Let’s begin with the common reasons that do not apply to myself as a Dominatrix. They may apply to others , but many people I know in this industry chose this profession.

Some of the popular ones I have been confronted with are:

• You hate men and like to hurt them.
• You are a lesbian venting your anger on the male sex.
• It’s a way to prove women are the stronger sex.
• You were abused as a child (by either parent) and this is your way of coping.( Valid reason but not one of mine, again I do feel any form of abuse needs to be heard and validated)
• You were raised by an overly aggressive mother and weakling father; or vice versa and are now
  compensating.
• You just need a good lay, dick, cock, fill in the blank.
• You’ve never had a stable relationship with a man.

While I admit there are those in this lifestyle who have these reasons, I am not one. I will go into detail later about my personal reasons for choosing my profession. Besides it being my form of sexual
expression, it is also my life-long career. I am a professional Dominatrix, sex educator, author and lecturer. I have now added Pod-caster to the list. Episodes can be found here.

Let’s look at this  concepts we often hear as sex-workers . Please do keep in mind, this is my OPINION.

“Hate Men” First, why would I desire to spend my entire adult life in intimate settings, touching and being touched by beings I hate? Does this not sound like a wasted life? I LOVE men and women and trans and Queer and and… humans! People are more than their skins allow. We are magical, engaging, vibrant creatures to whom as a sex worker I can show the transcendence of pain and pleasure, altering our realities for power, sex, enrichment and ethereal magic. Second, to judge an entire gender solely based on traits displayed by some is the same as saying “All Women are bitches.”  Let’s just not. Judge each person on their own merits and behaviors.

“Lesbian” Please update your outmoded opinions of who a lesbian, gay or queer can be. Educate yourself. As for venting anger on the male sex, why does anger only stem towards the males? Anger can be towards any gender. Anger is not defined by gender. However , a gender issue can cause anger such as sexual harassment, violence, rape.This is a very long and difficult topic which I am not knowledgeable enough to handle in one simple blog post. But to address the point- My career is not therapy therefore I do not take my anger out when engaging with clients. I am responsible for their safety. Anger can compromise that safety.

“Stronger” Why do we need to prove anything and to who? Again these hearkens back to the age old “Battle of the Sexes” Women, Men ,Trans, Non binary ,Queer are all strong in own ways. We should support each other in our differences. Plus my strength only needs to be proven to myself. I am the judge of my strength. Inner strength needs to bolstered in our society, not outward based on communal societies like the caveman pulling his mate by the hair after clubbing her. Men should be able to cry and not have their strength questioned. Women who are strong should not be called “Bitches”

“Abuse” This one is hard to address. While BDsm can be cathartic, and we do at times trigger memories of abuse, we should not engage as therapists unless licensed to do so. It would be unethical to treat my clients for trauma or abuse without the support of a licensed therapist or doctor. I can assist , discuss, support and help heal. And I have met fellow sex workers that use their career as support for themselves and their clients to embrace trauma.

“Parents” Having an aggressive or strong mother and weak father doesn’t mean I’m going to grow up to be a Dominatrix. Neither does the opposite.While environment can affect one’s careeer path, it is not a set in stone for future life choices. We have freedom of choice. I grew up to be a Dominatrix because I’m a natural dominant, enjoy controlling others in a safe setting and am perverted as hell. It allows me freedom of expression and sexuality.

The last 2 I’m going to keep simple : Had plenty of both. Have plenty of both. Come up with a new line as we’ve heard it before. It also makes the male biased assumption that all we want is dick. That’s your fantasy honey, not ours.

Assume the position

Now, let’s touch on feminism again.You would think being a dominant woman goes hand in hand with feminism. Those reasons stated above are just a few of why aligning with the popular feminist theory  while being a dominatrix can make it difficult. People don’t want to hear that a strong woman can actually enjoy the pleasure she receives from controlling men. That I enjoy the kinky activities I partake in. She must
be a card carrying militant feminist! They don’t want to accept that one can be well adjusted, in a happy relationship, from a good home and not abused as a child.

It is difficult for many people to accept that anyone would desire to explore an alternative sexuality without being encumbered by heavy issues. Similar to porn stars, many women in the BDSM community are exposed to continual harassment from people for participating in such a deviant practice. Being the dominant women, I should be upholding the feminist creed of no subordination/subjugation by
controlling these men. I am the stronger gender in my lifestyle. I am not subjected to the domination of men in my lifestyle.Or am I? All relationships have a component of power exchange. You visit the dentist – he tells you what needs to be done ; you go out to eat, get good service, reward with a tip ; you obey traffic laws- you don’t get arrested. Even as a Dominatrix I need to consider my play partner’s interests. Otherwise I would be out of a job. I may have more control over the total engagement than others, but I still need to be well-matched with those I see.

It may easier for me than my submissive sisters who must deal with all the negative connotations of female weakness, domestic violence and physical abuse. A submissive woman could not possibly be a feminist if she lets men control her and physically or emotionally manipulate her.How could she willingly place herself in the subordinate position, under a male? Consider for a moment, the immense amount of inner strength a submissive woman must have to place herself in that position against all current social constructs. She must truly know her inner desires and have the strength to pursue them regardless of how others might react to her. Much like our fore-mothers who pursued suffrage.

Along with BDSM as a sexual activity may come social activism, community awareness and political lobbying. These are all goals the original feminists strove for in the Suffrage movement.
It was not simply enough to obtain our right to vote. The bigger goal was complete social reform. Suffragists were concerned with all aspects of society from the social to the moral. They
sought to bring about the change of society by upholding its most valued principles: honesty, humility, charity and selflessness. I know a fellow dominant woman who is currently using her
leather woman title to actively support the HIV clinical trial studies. Another friend uses her voice to petition all women to have mammograms. Many leather groups actively petition for
overall LGBTQ? Rights. Personally, I used my platform to increase awareness about bisexuality within our community and LGBTQ? relationships. If this is not continuing the founding
mother’s feminist principles, I do not know what is.

To further explore the feminism connection, the ability to express ourselves however we desire within both our sexual and daily lives stems directly
from the contraceptive battles of the 1940s and 50s to the feminist bra burning fights in the 1970s. These women fought hard for the right to enjoy sex, have an orgasm and stand up and say:’ We like sex, we want sex and we are not
ashamed of it!” How we devalue their efforts  now saying to other women that they can only enjoy sex how we as a whole group feel is unacceptable. We should be ashamed of ourselves!

One of our common Leather community principles states that all safe, sane and consensual activities are accepted.Another version is RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink. The keyword here is consensual. BDSM is about empowering  all people, especially women, to explore their sexuality in a safe context. We have set community standards for those interested to follow when they first enter the BDSM world. There are BDSM safe houses for those who are in abusive relations and desire to leave them. BDSM educators across the nation seek to inform the general populace about the reality of our lifestyle.
Repression of our sexual desires has been shown to do more harm to our psyche than expressing them safely with those who we love (Social Psychology, Aronson, Wilson & Akert,
2002). Freedom of choice is one of the major tenets we base our country on. This right should be extended to those who practice alternative sexualities safely.

BBW Chicago Mistress

Now to the reasons I AM a dominant woman active in BDSM:

• I love men,women,trans, queer, non-binary = souls! I enjoy their reactions to the activities I administer upon them.
• The power exchange between active parties in a scene is beyond explanation. It is a much more
  spiritual bond than I have encountered in my non-BDSM relationships.
• The people in the community I have met are extremely intelligent, honest and moral. I enjoy
  having such people in my life.
• Freedom of expression. It enables me to utilize some of my creative juices on a regular basis. Read my take on how we as adults need play.
• My office is the coolest , and my work uniform beats most.
• Connection- control- compassion

Professionally, I am fulfilled by assisting those who come to see me express their fetishes safely in a controlled environment. I do not partake in sexual exchange with my clients. Among my
clients I have married men and women who can’t otherwise express their BDSM. I also have elderly and handicapped clients who are uncomfortable with public display or desire the safety
of a professional. I have women who have submissive desires and are more comfortable with a female Dominatrix than a male master. My current desires for professional scenes are clarified here.

Those are some of my reasons for being a dominant woman in the BDSM lifestyle. They are not everyone’s reasons. Power does come into play. I will not deny I enjoy my power over males.
But it is not solely my reason. I also enjoy my power over all my submissives , regardless of gender. Other women I know have used it as a tool for such empowerment. I feel it can be a great healing tool for women dealing with all types of psychological issues, if coupled with proper therapy.

Feminism is a societal label slapped on a concept designed to place females into a controllable group. Feminism does not have tenets beyond the bolstering up of female identified genders. If my feminism means I get to live the life I choose as a sex worker that is no less feminist than a bra burning traditional feminist. Choice is choice.

I hope my thoughts here have given you some insight into our world. Many of the issues raised within this blog bear further exploration and research. I hope to continue my growth within
this context and develop a sound body of work to help our society better understand females involved in BDSM.

SUGGESTED READINGS/REFERENCES

The Mistress Manual

Art of Sensual female Dominance

Thinking Kink : The Collision of  BDsm, Feminism and Popular Culture

“Nagging” Questions: Feminist Ethics in Everyday Life

Female Domination by Elise Sutton

Sexually Aggressive Women: Current perspectives and Controversies. Edited by Peter Anderson

Schedule you Female Superiority session with me here

Too far away for in-person? Online sessions available via phone or cam

The post Being a Dominatrix but not a traditional Feminist : Why Feminism doesn’t always mesh with sex-work & bdsm appeared first on Mistress Simone.

Behind the Glass

For the sake of this article I will use the terms : Domme/ Dominant/Top to mean the one in charge or controlling the BDsm or kink interactions. Sub/Submissive/Bottom will be used to refer to the  one submitting or accepting the control and BDsm interaction. Terms will be used interchangeably. Keep in mind, definitions of roles are fluid and have unique meaning for those who use them. Do not judge another by a simple label in a profile or website. For further explanation of Bdsm labels, plus a really fun list of terms to read through, visit Sexual Alpha

This blog started as a conversation over 20 years ago with one of my submissives. We had finished an intense scene with him doing lots of boundary expanding, pain acceptance and catharsis. He required an extensive period of aftercare to recover ,with myself making sure he was safe and functioning. When he came back down to reality, we began a conversation on how I was feeling and what I needed. It was the first time we both realized my own self needed attention after a scene too. From there ,the conversation expanded to include boundaries and limits of the Dominant.

Much has been written about how a Dominant/Top should care for their submissive/bottom during the evolution of a scene. Concerns over possible abuse, inaccurate techniques and unsafe surroundings have been discussed, lectured and written about to no end. As the dominant ones, we are told it is our mandatory responsibility, for all our encounters, to follow safety guidelines and aftercare rules. Kinkly presents a good definition of aftercare here. Learning how to care for one’s submissive is an excellent goal for all dominants. It will assist them in having a better understanding of what a submissive goes through. We develop empathy through caring for our submissives after an intense session.

Aftercare,Limits and safe-words for many years were considered a one -way street leading from the Domme to the Submissive. An often-ignored area is the dominant’s rights. Yes, we do have them as well as bottoms! It is often viewed by our community that the bottom is the only one at risk when engaging in our lifestyle/play/encounters. Not until we hear stories of dominants being beaten, raped or abused by their submissives do we realize that dominants are also at risk. Sometimes even more so as we are supposed to be the caretakers. We often get too comfortable with administering to our play partners, ignoring possibly warning signs something is off.

Our scenes are often described as a power exchange. Exchange is the operative word here.The energy should flow freely back and forth between partners. One would assume the best encounter would be an evenly balanced exchange. Not so. Each interaction differs on what the people involved desire and agree upon. I might engage in heavy energy manipulation where I am giving much more than taking. The submissive may be relaxing in bondage while I am working hard to place them there. My submissive may be working very hard on cleaning my bathroom or massaging my feet. Energy expended. Therefore would it not seem logical that both involved are affected by the encounter and might need to verify well being in each other. How many times have we witnessed a scene finishing with the submissive being taken down, given water, body conditions brought back to normal stasis all under the care of the Domme with it ending there? The Domme left to fend for their own water,control their reactions and balance endorphins. Many scenes can be more emotionally and/or physically taxing for the dominant. At the end of each scene, both parties involved need to assess not only the other’s condition but their own.

Limits is another area where No mean No on both sides. Just because one of my submissives desires a certain activity does not mean I have to engage in it. As a young prodomme I felt compelled to do all fetishes and kinks. Good for business! As I matured, I discovers my true kernel kinks, as Princess Kali calls them. So now, I’m very clear on my limits. If I don’t enjoy an activity, I don’t do it. Limits can occur during a scene too. if I feel a scene is going badly ; into a negative or unhealthy energy or limit reaching ability of one person, it is my right – and responsibility-as the Domme to call the scene. Many times I have stopped a scene due to reading my sub’s body language ,knowing if we keep going it will end poorly. Likewise if I am unfocused, not feeling well or too tired, I can stop for my own health.

Boundaries and limits can be synonymous, but do not always need to be. Currently boundaries is the catch phrase used in our society.It can be overused which can create confusion when negotiating.

My definition of boundaries differs slightly from my limits.To me, a limit is something that is fluid, can move and grow, sometimes quickly. For example, say I am playing with a sub. We plan on doing 25 needles in his cock. That’s our limit – however after just a few we both learn he is unable to do that many today. The new limit is 3. Assessment =  Change. Limit moves.

For me, a boundary is set. It takes much more time and effort to alter my boundaries. An example of one of my boundaries would be my policy of no sexual intercourse with a submissive. This hasn’t change in 30 years for me. It is a hard and fast boundary. To change it would take discussion, introspection and judgement. It’s not going to just change based on timing and ability. Keep in mind, this is my definition. It does not need to be yours.

Trust me, I got you!

                        The basic tenets of Dominant rights include:

1.The right to their safety in all encounters
Physical: The right to be informed of any potential physical dangers they may encounter in playing with you, including STD’s [do your homework and review this list of current STDs ] possibly infectious diseases and recent illnesses a submissive might have. One key factor often missed is medication. If I am to to play with you, I need to know any possible things that could affect your responses. To keep such hidden under the guise that it doesn’t affect the scene is reckless and dishonest. Accidents do happen but it is not ethical to put another in unknown harm’s way. Everyone has the right to refuse a scene or play partner without repercussions, such as damage to their reputation. All dominants have the right to interpret this aspect for themselves. One’s comfort is an individual concept.

Emotional/Mental: The right to maintain their own space and boundaries. If uncomfortable with a situation, the right to remove themselves from such. There is a common myth that as the “strong one”, the dominant should show little emotion and maintain decorum at all times. All of us are humans with emotions that affect our processes. Dominants have the right to show and express the emotions that are effecting them.This includes anger, sadness and disappointment. We can also experience triggers. If a dominant is triggered in scene, it could be an issue if the submissive is in compromised situation. This is an excellent short article explaining triggers : A Touch of Flavor-triggers. The right to be informed of any past repressions, mental issues or abuse or possible triggers that may affect the play they initiate with a partner. They also have the right to end a scene or play connection if they feel it has become unhealthy for either person involved.

Spiritually: The right to practice BDSM spiritually if they so desire and to find like-minded play partners. The right to not be judged or criticized for not playing with someone based on this aspect. This can be a factor when religious play is on the table.

Worship at the altar of your Goddess

2. The right to informed consent
Dominants have the right to agree or not on participating in a scene based on honest information. They have the right to research all potential play partners as much as needed to become comfortable, with the knowledge of doing so to that play partner. This includes inquiring into experience and past relationships. One can ask for references if need be. They have the right to refuse gracefully with repercussion if they feel uncomfortable with a possible scene.Keep in mind, the potential play partner has the right of refusal and to do same with you. Consent is an individual concept so please do not assume a potential pay partner views it the same.If unsure about consent, Kink Academy has some good clips on the topic.

3. The right to educate themselves
Pursue knowledge and expand their skills in any area they are interested in. Ask other dommes for assistance if they are uncomfortable with an activity. It is more honorable to admit one does not know something than to pretend they do. Admitting that one does not know all is a show of good character. Exercising intelligence will help insure a good and safe scene for all involved.Too often dominants are expected to have all the answers. This common misconception can lead to frustration within the power exchange. Dommes may feel overwhelmed when not allowed to be fallible. However, we are lucky to live in an era where online education is prevalent. We can just search for any  topic and find multiple resources. A few that I highly suggest are Kink Academy – one of the first and still best, Lee Harrington’s Passion and Soul, Kinkly, The Submissive Guide , and Evie Lupine on You tube. A word of caution :All knowledge is subjective. You will find opposing facts, viewpoints and opinions. Refer to multiple sources to learn, even about the same topic. You can also find some educational articles on my site covering topics from CBT to Foot fetish.

4. The right to stop a scene
You might have witnessed a play scene where the dominant is goaded on by the submissive to give more. As the dominant, we have the right to call our scene/play if we feel a limit has been reached, fatigue has set in and hindered our accuracy, the response from our partner is not conducive or we’re just done. As a professional Dominatrix, we are geared towards making our client’s happy which can push limits close to unhealthy if not careful. It is our responsibility to monitor just how far a sub can go even if they feel can take more. That is why the safe word is so important. It gives them an out. Our out is to to stop administering to them when we feel enough is enough. This is one area where negotiation prior to play is important. Before a scene begins, we should communicate to the sub what may cause us to stop the scene.

5. The right of determination
Just as a submissive does, a dominant has the right to determine what they desire from a submissive, who may or may not fit those criteria and the right to say No thank you to ones that do not match. They have the right to determine who to train, what style they enjoy training in and how someone earns their collar. In regards to ownership, the dominant has the right to decide when a collar has been earned, what requirements must be met and to request a collar be returned. Collaring someone is a commitment to them and the power exchange. To me, it is not offered lightly. This is an excellent article on what a collar represents. Those who have my collar put in the effort ans I have to forge the connection. I know some just hand them out like candy. To me, that does the collar a disservice. I want the sub to know I own them and am proud of to say they are mine.

6. The right to their own style
Each of us is unique in our dominance. No one way is better. What works for one does not always work for another. How boring this life would be if we were all the same. The right to not be judged by other dominants or ridiculed because one’s style differs. Expecting your Dominant to conform to your fantasy image is unfair and unrealistic. They are not your walking porn. Reality is different from fantasy. While creating an alternative reality and space can be part of our play, it can also be based in  a deep intense reality of emotions and energy.  I have often terminated a scene, connection or relationship due to unrealistic expectations from the submissive for me to conform to their desires. I am not a touchy person. I am also sharp of wit. Constantly asking for hugs or to touch me is a big no-no. Likewise, if you can not accept my biting wit, we will have issues. I always suggest a potential play partner do their research before deciding to serve a Dominant. Our style tends to be presented clearly on our web presence. You can learn more about my style here.

Mistress’s style

7. The right to be proud of their dominance
Without crossing over into arrogance, the dominant should enjoy the strength and control they have. I have spent years refining my skill, control and dominance, thus earning the respect of my industry, community and slaves. I’m proud of my skill and expect to be treated with respect from those approaching to serve. However, being dominant does not give one the right to be a bitch or jerk. A true enjoyment of one’s nature and role is acceptable. Enjoy the privileges that come from it, but keep in mind the responsibilities too.

Please remember as a dominant, you do have rights in addition to responsibilities. Both need to be apart of you, and balance each other  out.  First and foremost is your right to honesty between yourself and any potential partner. You have the right to interview, inquire and question before, during and after any scene. Get to know your partner before you play with them. Let them see you in action with others. Be honest about who you are, your play style, level of experience and what you have to offer. Misrepresentation of any kind can lead to a disastrous encounter. Use your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, there is probably a reason.
Many of the rights expressed here do apply to both partners in any lifestyle encounter, but I felt the need to express the Dominant’s viewpoint.

If you would like to discuss a session with me, feel free to email Mistress. I love to hears thoughts on my writings.

The post The Boundaries and Rights of the Dominant kinkster appeared first on Mistress Simone.

also known as Podophilia

Millions of dollars every year is spent on adorning one small area of the human body: the foot. One can find such things as jewelry, nail polish, silky stockings, sexy hosiery and all types of foot wear for their feet. Why so much attention focused on one small part of us? Women spend millions of dollars on pedicures each year. Shoe designers are some of the highest paid fashion industry individuals. Brand name can be everything; just hearing a particular shoe line can make a foot fetishist gush. Think about some of the high end ones such as Stuart Wietzman, Dolce & Gabbana , Jimmy Choo, or Fluevog.My favorite brand is Louboutin. As a self proclaimed shoe and boot whore, I love the look of my feet when encased in anything from sensuous lace topped stockings to slinky open toe sandals. Let’s not get me started on leather boots, or for that matter any type of boots.Some of my favorite boot brands are Fernando Berlin, Arollo,Saint Laurent, and the goth standard – Dr. Martens!  I prefer to be on the receiving end of foot worship. I am what you can call a reverse foot fetishist. I do not have a desire to worship another’s feet, but to have mine worshiped. I love dangling my sexy shoe off my toes, teasing a kneeling male who is longing to kiss and suck my delicate toes (an activity referred to as shrimping).

The love of the foot has long been part of our world’s culture.  A classic example is the foot binding of the East. Women were crippled for their society’s concept of beautiful feet. A woman’s feet were bound at a young age, the bones compressing and preventing further growth. Women with the smallest feet were of the highest value. The religious concept of foot washing continues into modern times  in the custom of kissing the Pope’s feet in reverence. Desire to learn more on the history? Refer to this good article. Psychologically, for some worshipers, foot fetishism may have some bearing on the superiority of recipient. To worship feet, one must usually kneel down. A kneeling partner kissing your feet can be a huge turn on. Kissing the feet of one who is royalty or saintly has been a long practice worldwide. Jesus had his feet washed by Mary Magdalene. Throughout our long human history, there are numerous examples of foot reverence.

Mistress feet in sexy sandals

Foot fetishism is  technically defined as fixation or desire for the foot or footwear. The sexual attraction can be focused on a specific part such as toes, heel or arch. Some love bare feet, others enjoy hosiery. Similar to any other preference, foot worship is a highly individualistic activity. Nude toenails, painted toenails, anklets, toe rings – all can be the focus of the foot fetishist. Shape may play a factor. High arches or long toes may be the deciding quality in what arouses the worshiper. Activities may be the thing, such as pedicures, massaging or placing a sexy pump on the foot. Odor and state of cleanliness are included in possible worship triggers. Some like dirty, smelly feet; others like freshly washed. Whatever the turn on trigger is, it will focus around the shape and adornment of the feet. . While widely sexual in nature, it can also be aesthetic. Admiration for a well-turned foot encased in a lovely shoe or boot is something many of us appreciate it. Shoe fetishism can be considered its own category if the foot is not the necessary object, bu the shoe is. The classic shoe fetishist one might remember is Imelda Marcos. Shoe Fetishism will be discussed in another blog.

Every once in awhile, a foot fetish horror story will come across social media formats. There are horror stories of men attacking women to suck their toes, or stealing the shoes. Some people have even been arrested for harassment. Extreme examples portrayed in the media can cloud the way an activity is perceived. As with any fetish or alternative lifestyle activity, consent is the most important factor. If your fetish is engaged without the other person’s consent, that is a violation of that person’s space. It can be difficult to understand the desire for the foot for some. Many are turned off by feet, or think they are unattractive. Large majorities of people do not like their feet to be touched. If you are in a relationship with a foot fetishist, understanding their desire to kiss, suck and lick your feet can be difficult. It can be even more so if you are one who does not like having their feet touched.

Foot worship is often considered a woman-centrist activity.  While the pop culture portrays it this way, foot fetishism crosses gender roles. The love of women’s feet tends to be what everyone thinks of when we think of foot fetish. The love of feet crosses gender roles. There is a large male-male foot fetish culture.The gay leather culture has a big sub-set of foot fetishists, focused on scent and boots. Female to female, female to male, non-binary -the focus of foot worship is not limited by gender or sexual identity. Foot sex play can be a safe –sex alternative. When pregnancy or STDs wanted to be avoided, foot sex was an alternative.

Foot play and sex comes in many forms. Our feet are extremely sensitive, full of nerve endings. Playing footsie is a wonderful foreplay activity that can be added to your sexual repertoire. Foot massages are one of the safest forms of connecting via touch with a new partner. It’s a good icebreaker. Tickling is it’s own topic, but foot-ees can be ticklers who solely enjoy the activity of tickling feet. A foot lover may focus on the whole foot or one part such as arch, toes or ankles. I have a client that loves to kiss and nibble at my high arch. Another who delights when I stuff all my toes in hi mouth to gag him. When discussing the topic, ask for specifics and offer them.

Sexy red toes

If you feel your partner might be a foot worshiper, there are some ways to figure it out.

Signs you might be dating a foot fetishist:

• They compliment your shoes or pedicure all the time.
• They will take you shoe shopping, and it will take hours as you try on every pair in the store!
• When relaxing, hands will stroll to the feet.
• Concern over foot maintenance will be brought up. Pedicures will be discussed, and polish color might even be suggested
• Foot massages may be offered but gentle caresses are more likely. The foot worshiper wants to do just that, worship. They revere the foot so giving a good foot rub can obscure that goal.

Some helpful guidelines for those who desire to engage in foot worship:

• Do not force your desire on those you encounter. Enjoying a sexy foot in public is all well in good, but crossing personal space boundaries is not.
• Be polite when complimenting a person on their feet. Go for “You have lovely shoes” instead of “WOW, I wanna suck those toes!”
• Respect the ticklishness of the worship-ee. If asked to avoid a certain area, do so.
• Take a No as a No.

If your partner is a foot fetishist, some helpful hints:

• Do not laugh when they try to let you know what turns them on. For some reason, this association tends to make people giggle. It can cause the foot worshiper to retreat.
• Find out what exactly they enjoy about foot worship. Do they like toes, arches or the whole foot? Communication on what they like will enable you to assess if you can indulge them.
• If you cannot stand having your feet touched, be honest up front. Do not pretend to enjoy it just to please the foot-ee. It will backfire down the road.
• If you truly want to engage in the fetish but can’t due to ticklish or squirming feet, consider encasing them in hosiery or footwear. It will lessen the sensitivity of your feet and still allow the foot-ee to worship.
• Foot play can be fun, lighthearted and sensual. Think on the classic pin-ups slowing taking off a silk stocking. Tease, control and entice.

The key to dealing with any fetishism is to be honest with it up front – not later. Communicate with your partner(s). Hiding your fetishism will only backfire down the road. Unwillingness to listen to your partner(s) will under-mind the honesty and integrity of your connection. If you are uncomfortable with the whole feet thing, tell him/her so. They will thank you for listening to them, and being honest. Enjoying the interaction together is key to any sexual activity. If there is none, why do it? Do not force yourself to do something you do not enjoy. You do not have to enjoy it as much as the fetishist but if it helps you connect and further your passion AND you enjoy it, then let those toes fly free!

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“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
— Frank Herbert, Dune – Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

WHAT EXACTLY IS FEAR?
Fear has been defined as a temporary heightened negative emotional response to stimuli. But is it as simple as that?  What about the different kinds of fear? Can any type of stimuli cause fear? Are we born with some innate fears? So many questions surrounding a simple idea. Fear involves both the mind and the body. It can be individualistic or collective. It can be rational or irrational. Within the framework of our lifestyle, fear takes on an entirely different dimension.
Fear drives mankind every day. We fear so many things it has become hard to deal with each other openly. Our lifestyle is one way mankind can still reach out to each other and alleviate the fear we all feel. Just think of how many times in a day you worry or are afraid. Afraid you will be fired, your spouse will leave you, the kids will get sick, etc.

In our lifestyle, we meet fear in many scenes and situations. Fear has many different levels: social, emotional, psychical, and life conditions. As dominants, we need to be able to recognize fear and either choose to use it or assist in its termination. Submissives willing to place their fears in our trust do so in the hope of moving beyond these crutches. They have the strength to allow us to take them into their fears and bring them safely out the other side.

But as the dominant person in the relationship, we often forget we have our own demons to face. If we do not confront and control our own fears, how can we enable our submissives in dealing with their own?  One of the first lessons we need to learn is how to identify fears so we can recognize them when they are occurring in a scene. This may seem a moot point, but if we are aware of the signs of distress, we can deal with the physical and psychological factors immediately.

HOW DOES THE HUMAN BODY REACT TO FEAR?
Psychologists have discovered that the part of our brain connected to fear is the Amygdala. Output from the Amygdala to our hypothalamus controls autonomic fear responses.  All of our nervous systems become activated in preparation for dealing with the stimuli. However, my intent with this seminar is not to delve too deeply into the mechanisms of fear but to show how it affects our interactions in our lifestyle. Also, how we might use it to both control the scene and assist our partner in facing their fears.

Some of the common signs of a person responding to stimuli with anxiety or fear are:
Increased heart rate
Increased breathing or shortness of breath
Perspiration
Clammy skin
Rapid eye movement / eye dilation
Raised eye brows
Trembling / shaking of body
Feeling dizzy
Nausea

These factors can be compromised in a scene due to the fact a body already in a state of heightened awareness can have a fear reaction quicker and harsher than one in a relaxed state. Therefore as Dominants, we need to closely monitor the psychical signs of our subs.

A submissive that has an illness such as diabetes will be affected more so by the panic attack. Each external symptom is accompanied by an unseen internal one which can lead to fainting, blackouts or unconsciousness if not regulated by the dominant. Panic attacks or fear responses that are connected to specific stimuli are called situational bound or cued attacks. Things such as knife or fire play will fall in this category
 ARE THERE DIFFERENT TYPES OF FEAR?

To deal with the fears of those we play with we need to spend time on two major issues. First, we need to talk at length with them on their history.  Incidents of past abuse, trauma or harm will have an effect on the type of responses a submissive will have to BDSM interaction. Be aware that even after full disclosure, a submissive may not know of what we call a “trigger”: something that may bring on an anxiety attack. Subconscious fears may be brought to the surface by the type of play occurring at the time. Fears instilled in childhood may be maintained by conditioning through avoidance of the fear causing stimuli. If you are afraid of snakes, you will avoid all snakes, thus reinforcing your fear. Irrational fears need to be dealt with maturely and wisely by the dominant regardless of our own personal thoughts on them. If my submissive is frightened of teddy bears or clowns, I need to assist them in confronting this fear, not ridicule them for it.

Second, we need to identify the type of fear in the submissive person we are dealing with. Know thy partner. Do they have emotional fears mainly, or are they afraid of coming to psychical harm? If you are playing with a masochist threatening them with more beatings or a severe toy will most likely not illicit the fear response you might desire. Verbal recrimination of a service sub will most likely result in putting them in tears. If you desire to use fear as a controlling factor, do so with the full consent of your partner. Keep in mind, the key to fear scenes is control. These scenarios are structured and self-contained by the dominant to control the fearful emotion in their submissives. This control is what allows us to delve deeper into these fears and fantasies. Otherwise, you might be crossing a line we strive not to cross in our lifestyle. Many submissives use play to overcome their fears or anxiety. If a submissive was administered corporal punishment as a child, they may desire to experience it now to move past their abusive memories. They turn to us as the ones in control to be able to take them on this journey safely.

FEARS FREQUENTLY FOUND IN OUR LIFESTYLE
Knife
Wax
Restraint
Claustrophobia
Blood-letting / Loss of blood
Fluid expulsion / Loss of bodily functions
Needles
Fire
Temperature
Rape
Kidnapping
Death
Castration
Forced sex or beatings
Loss of body part

Fears that may be used in our lifestyle to illicit responses and/or assist the submissive in overcoming them:
Spiders (non-poisonous, please!)
Heights
Loud noises (this is instinctual to us all)
The Dark
Strangers
Germs
Vomit
Food / meat
Water
Snakes
Dentists / doctors

BEHAVIORAL TECHNIQUES TO DEAL WITH FEAR
A very simple technique to begin dealing with your fears is to identify them. Say it out loud! “I am afraid of the dark.” Seems simplistic, but it is effective. But by naming your fear, you rob it of its power. Acknowledging it to yourself, your intimate ones and the universe can be very freeing.
One formally popular behavioral method of dealing with irrational fears is systematic desensitization (commonly called “breaking down”). While this theory is no longer popular in generalized therapy, we often use it in our lifestyle. It consists of the systematic exposure to the fear in gradually increasing degrees until the fear is extinguished. One way we introduce a new toy or a more severe toy is to start out lightly with it, let the submissive try it on themselves, or administer it in a safe non-threatening manner. The next time we will increase the sensation and so on.

Visualization is a good technique to teach a submissive to move beyond their current limits. Have them visualise the fear in a non-harmful way, rendering it powerless. Many of us will know this technique by the public speaking tip of viewing the audience in their underwear. We can use the same thing in our scenes. If a submissive is afraid of wax, do not start with the hottest, messiest candle on their soft tissue. Start with a candle that does not burn so hot on a less sensitive area. Gradually increase the instrument or item of their fear. I know this may seem like common sense to many of us, but take this idea beyond the simple. If a submissive is afraid of spiders start out with a plastic spider, not a real one.

Rage Expulsion and/or Cathartic release was first made popular by Freud. He felt catharsis was good for one’s psychological well-being.  The basic premise is to release your pent up stressful emotions such as fear, worry, anger or hurt through a burst of emotions such as yelling, screaming or some other type of physical outburst (with no harm to yourself or others).  Given the activities we do in our scenes this technique should be approached with care. Plenty of negotiation and discussion should occur prior to doing such a scene. As much as we may enjoy the reactions of our submissive, when we have one releasing such emotion, we need to be in full control of ours so we can be aware of what may be needed in the aftercare. This type of release can leave your submissive with any number of reactions from joy, elation to sadness, anger. At this time, other techniques such as the journal will help.

Self-report is one way to help your partner deal with their fears. Have them keep a fear journal. Whenever they feel fearful they are to note it down as soon as they can in the journal. Review the journal with them to discover triggers, possible trust issues and successes in moving beyond the fear. Fear patterns can also assist us in dealing with fears. Write down your feelings

RECOMMENDED BOOKS  on the subject of fear
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker
You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought by Peter McWilliams

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“And in the playing of it(games), we come to know ourselves-and each other-more deeply.” ~Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel’s Scion.

How many of you currently have your cell phones on? Or will be going upstairs to check your email? Learning to disengage from our electronic world is key to finding your bliss. We have all become too detached from human interaction, focusing much more so on our gadgets and toys. The conversation has become a lost art. Strolling slowly together reflecting on life is obsolete. Can you engage blissfully with a cell phone? And if so, what model because I want one? I cannot really snuggle up with my vibrator. My iPhone is cool but won’t let me cry on its shoulder when I need it. If you think about all the truly beautiful moments in life, you will find they occur within yourself or when engaging another warm being, human and otherwise. Sexual bliss takes on whatever form we desire as consenting adults.

Reconnecting with our inner child can enable us to relax and remember that joy we felt when young. Observe children playing, alone or together, and watch how intently they focus on their play, shutting out all distractions and useless white noise. They are so caught up in the moment, time slows down for them. Their concentration is focused solely on the task at hand. One common complaint that is heard as we age is “God, time goes so quickly now.” Does it truly go faster or is it us that does? Have we forgotten how to disengage and capture a moment? Play can be a way to slow time down and connect with the deeper energy in us all.

Think of the primary words we use to associate our actions: play and scene. According to Webster’s, play is an “exercise or activity for amusement or recreation.” The scene is an “area or sphere of activity.” By these very words, we are reaching back to a time when our imaginations were unencumbered by life’s stress and issues such as bills, career, getting laid, latest fashions or keeping up with the Jones. Hearken back to your childhood days of innocence, touch upon your imagination and free it from the self-imposed restraints of adult life. Allow your inner child to come out and explore the wonderful world of sexual play. Just think, we are grown-ups now and get to have orgasms! How much fun is that when added to play??? Cool, huh?

When your brain disengages from the mundane, creativity can come to the surface. Within our play, we can freely express all the silliness, fears and insecurities we may have. No one will judge you for desiring to be dressed up like a puppy or indulging your Lolita side. You can pretend to be younger than you currently are, donning the persona of that age. You can be whatever your imagination can come up with from a puppy to a robot. Dress up like a doll and have your puppet master move your strings!

Adults allow the possible judgments of peers to affect their relaxation and enjoyment in life. We make fun of those who dare to be different. But who are we to judge? Our kinks, interests and desires are just as valid as the next person. Truly, if you have the balls to dress up like a Wookie, no one should criticize you.

Sexual discovery cannot be rushed. It must be cultivated and allowed to manifest as it sees fit. The keys to this are two things: consent and respect. Each person involved must consent to the play and scene. But even more so, respect must be given for each one’s desires. If your partner has the courage to express their deepest needs and wants to you, have the courage to listen and understand best you can. One of my girls so wanted to try puppy play, an area neither of us had ever done. Watching the boy pups made her wiggle with excitement and want to join in the fun. She was afraid to ask me at first for fear I would laugh and reject her. And my own insecurities of the area might have lead to that result. But I listened to her desires respectfully, did my research on the activity and decided to put our foot in the water. Only to have it turn into one of my favorite fetishes and a passion of mine.

When your beautiful submissive is spread eagle suspended with needles before you, bliss is upon you. All the mundane melts away to this infinite moment. There is no one else but you and yours and the flowing energy between you. Reach for each other and allow yourselves the pleasure of delving deep into your own souls.

Through this game we all play, we delve deep inside ourselves. We lay our inner most desires out in the open to the raw world and those we entrust to reveal them to. It is not solely about sex, but about self-actualization through the sexual act. It is evanescent, so relish it while it’s there.

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